Sharing Sad News

In writing this blog, we are trying to keep all Kilbourne students and families updated with timely information that helps with navigating the high school years. Unfortunately, the high school years can also be a time when students must deal with grief and loss. As school counselors, we know the weight and magnitude that death can have on anyone who knew and cared about those who have died.

The week after school ended, Mr. Thomas shared the news with the Kilbourne staff and families that Mrs. Chelsey Hundertpfund, a science teacher at WKHS, had died. "Hundy" as she was lovingly known to most students at school, had been out of school for the last year as she fought against cancer, but there are some current WKHS students who had her previously or knew her through her involvement with the Environmental Club and Yoga Club.

Hundy was just 43 years old and she is being missed so much right now by her husband and 2 little kids along with her extended family, friends, colleagues and former students. We know that the death of Hundy is significant to so many of you and that grief, sadness, and loss is real. There is no doubt that she made an impression and worked hard to make sure all students could see and feel her excitement about science and life.

If you want to read Mrs. Hundertpfund's obituary, please check it out here: https://www.newcomercolumbus.com/obituaries/chelsey-hundertpfund

If you are struggling with the grief from Hundy's death, we encourage you to reach out to the trusted adults in your life and remember that those feelings are real and valid because she was someone who made a difference in your life.

Your Life Challenges

I had lots of time to think over spring break. (Perhaps too much time...) And I kept coming back to thoughts about how so many of you are dealing with really hard things in your lives. The challenges may be big or small and the impact from them may last a day or a lifetime, but no matter what, each of you are facing your own unique battles. What makes this even harder is that on the outside, you appear "FINE." Perhaps you are fine most of the time, but that doesn't mean that there aren't moments that feel hard or more difficult. And, in spite of the fact that this is something nearly all of you are dealing with, I suspect that most of you feel like you are the only one going through such challenges.

So here are some of my reflections.

1. Be nice. Kinder than you think you need to be. To others and to YOURSELF! You are often your toughest critic and you deserve the same level of compassion that you are willing to extend to those around you.

2.  Seek support. We are here to help you and so are your teachers, your friends and, of course, your family. Asking for help and acknowledging that you are facing tough challenges in your world is the most courageous thing you can do. I promise, if you come to us, we will NOT see you as weak and will be thankful you had the strength to share what it is that you are facing in your life.

3.  There is no such thing as too small. If it is on your mind, if it is weighing on you, if it is frustrating or hurting or annoying to you -- then it matters! Do not belittle how you think or feel.

4.  Take it one step at a time. Part of the challenge of life and especially for teenagers today is that difficulties refuse to slow down and come one at a time. In fact, quite often life shifts from total calm to middle of a massive storm in just seconds. If your problems would line up and come one at a time, you'd be completely fine, but that isn't how life works. And so, while you may not be able to solve all of the problems in front of you in an instant, you will be able to make progress by taking it one step at a time. Be patient with yourself and if you can't solve the problem remember that there are hundreds of coping strategies that you can use to help manage until there is a solution.

5.  Try not to jump to conclusions or assume the worst. I feel guilty even saying this one because I definitely have jumped to the worst possible scenarios on many occasions, but here is the thing - it made me a nervous wreck as I waited for the news and it didn't have any actual impact on how it all played out. Try to remind yourself that the story you are telling yourself is just one possible story and remain open to the possibility that there are other reasons that something may be happening or outcomes which may result from this situation.

6.  Be real. Have the courage to allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling and to express those feelings and emotions. Laugh, cry, celebrate, or scream - whatever you feel, lean into those emotions (at least with some of the people closest to you who you can trust with the real you). It is ok to not be "fine" and it is ok to be far better than "fine" too. 

Please remember that whatever it is you are dealing with today in your life - significant problem or not - if you want the support and help or just a safe place to talk it through with someone then please remember that we are here!

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

Eating disorders are such a challenge for those who live with them because eating is essential and integrated into every single day of a person's life. This week is National Eating Disorder Awareness week. According to the National Eating Disorder Association 30 million Americans experience an eating disorder at some point in their lives. The emotional and physical toll that eating disorders have on those struggling with them as well as their family members and friends is significant. If you or someone you know is dealing with an eating disorder it is important to get help and to know that every BODY belongs. Resources are available and it will be worth it. For those of you who have pushed through the worst of your fight with your eating disorders, know that you are seen and valued and you serve as hope for those who are just entering their own eating disorder battle. And to all of you, remember that we are here if you need to talk about any concerns related to your eating concerns (or the concerns you have for your friends.)

Crisis/ Suicide Prevention Lines

There are times when we can feel overwhelmed, lonely, stressed, sad and hopeless.  All of these emotions are normal to experience, but when they happen to come all at the same time it can be very challenging and leave people feeling lost and desperate.

Perhaps you or someone you know have had times with that type of darkness and possibly even experienced suicidal thoughts.  It is important to know that there is ALWAYS help available!  Reaching out for support is a critical step in helping to give yourself the hope that you will not always feel the way you might be feeling right now.

If you are having suicidal thoughts while at school, I hope you will come to tell me or share that information with another adult that you trust.  If you are away from school, I hope that you will reach out to your parents or some other adult who your trust.  But I know that sometimes the people closest to us can miss the level of pain we are experiencing and so I'd like to remind you that you can always call or text a crisis/ suicide hotline and there will be someone on the other end ready and willing to talk to you who can help brainstorm next steps.  The number to reach out to is super easy to remember - all you have to do is dial 988 and you will be connected to a counselor who can help.

Additionally, in recognition of how much our society has grown to depend on text messaging as a means of communication, there is also a crisis text line where you can reach out for help and support in addition to the 988 number. And, for the record - you can text to 988. To contact the crisis text line you can send a message to 741741.  You can send them any message to get the conversation started.  And I know that it can be hard to even know where to start so remember, you can always reach out even with just one word such as "4hope" (which helps connect you to someone in Ohio) or even "help or hello" and before you know it you will be communicating via text with someone else who understands what you are experiencing and is ready and able to help you.

The most important reminder I would like to leave you with is that YOU MATTER!  You are not alone - there is always someone who would like to have the opportunity to talk with you and to help you.  If you are having thoughts of suicide, PLEASE, reach out for help today!

Pressure

There is a LOT of pressure on high school students today. I am seeing and hearing that stress from many of my students and it is definitely more pronounced during exam week. 

The big reminder that I have for you is that your family members might be trying to talk to you about all these different aspects of your life - GPA, College, Career, etc - not because they are trying to add pressure to your life, but because they believe in you, they know what you're capable of, and they want the best for you. And yet, that can feel like pressure.

You cannot tackle all of the big life goals at once, but you can take care of the steps in front of you today. One day at a time. And repeat it consistently. In the end, you will reach the goals you have set for yourself. 

I'm here if you want to talk about the pressures you're feeling. For now though, remember that you only have 2 exams left. You can do this. Don't give up. Don't put too much stress on yourself to be perfect. Just do the best that you can for today and know that after 1 more day of school winter break and 2 weeks of down-time is ahead of you!

Caring Makes a Difference

Lately on the news and as I scroll on Social Media I have been caught between two different extremes... reading and watching stories of unbelievable tragedy and heartbreak or seeing and hearing stories about extraordinary compassion, generosity and kindness. (I suspect you are also seeing all of the tragic stories of late, but just to give a reference, the other stories I am seeing have been incredible "secret santa" stories or people displaying "random acts of kindness" for those around them in need.)

As I have wrestled to try to understand all of the scary, horrible things in our world, I also cling to these good stories. To remember that everything isn't all bad and that there absolutely is incredible love, grace and beauty in our world too. AND... it is up to each of us to make it that way!

That had me thinking about the "Charles Schulz Life Philosophy" that I believe isn't actually from Charles Schultz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip, but it is a series of questions that is often attributed to him and is a concept that (regardless of who really came up with it) I love.

You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just think about them and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress...

How did you do?

The point is that none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most!

As we finish out this week, semester, and calendar year, I hope that you will try to shift your attention to how you can show care and compassion for the people around you. It makes a difference and our world needs more of that right now!

4 A's of Stress Management

Last night I wrote about test anxiety. But the reality is that you all have a lot more stress in your lives than just exams. You have stress of the holidays. Stress of a change in routine coming with winter break. You may be feeling stressed about upcoming class changes for 2nd semester. Plus, just being a teenager today is very stressful!

The Mayo Clinic promotes a stress management strategy known as the 4 A's: avoid, alter, accept, and adapt.  The goal is that in every stressful situation we can look at it from the mindset of how we can apply at least one of these principles.

Avoid: Believe it or not, a lot of stress can simply be avoided. Plan ahead, learn to say no, and ditch parts of your to-do list (low priority items).

Alter: Take inventory of whatever stressful situation you find yourself in, then consider ways you change or modify it for the better.

Accept: Sometimes we have no other option than to accept things the way they are. When this is the case, it is important to talk to someone, to forgive, to practice positive self-talk, and to learn from our mistakes.

Adapt: There are times when we need to adjust or revise the standards and expectations we set upon ourselves, which many times are unreasonable. What can help to change one’s perspective is to ask yourself, “Will this matter in a year or in five years?”

Stress is a part of life. It doesn't need to control your whole life though! Try to think about ways that you can apply the 4 A's to get an A+ in Stress Management.

Choices & Consequences

Choices and consequences are package deals.  Perhaps this is the most obvious post I have ever written, but I'd like to have you pause for a moment and reflect on how your choices impact you every day.  If you make a good choice, most of the time, good things will happen.  If you make a poor choice, then frequently, bad things will happen.

Let me be clear, consequences are not always negative - in fact, they are just as often positive, but I think that the word consequence has a negative connotation and it is what we most often focus on.  Perhaps it would help if I gave a few examples to consider of both negative and positive choices and consequences...

If you do your homework (choice), then you will be prepared for class and prepared for the upcoming assessments (consequence).  On the flip side of that, if you do not do your homework (choice), then you will not be prepared for class and less prepared for the assessments (consequence).  Doing homework is a simple example, but the concept also applies when you think of more complex life issues.  Lying to your parents (choice) will typically lead to restricted privileges and a loss of their trust (consequence).  Volunteering your time with an organization that matters to you (choice) often leads to feeling good about helping others (consequence), but it may also mean that you have to sacrifice time with friends or juggle other responsibilities (also consequences).  Talking to multiple guys at the same time (choice) often creates drama with arguments, betrayal and hurt feelings (consequence).  Yelling at your brother (choice) may result in a strained relationship that includes less trust (consequence).  Clearly, some of the consequences from the choices you make will have an immediate outcome, but often those consequences will be longer term in nature.

No matter what choices you make, it is important to remember that you have the opportunity to make whatever choices you want, but they are directly tied to the consequences you will have as a result of that decision.  When you feel as if you have to hide your decisions, lie about them, or make excuses for your actions or words, then that is probably a sign that your choice is going to have a negative consequence.  If you want a different outcome, then you need to make a different choice!

It is hard when people feel as if they are just a victim of circumstances and don't recognize their role in the decisions they have made and how that is related to the situation they find themselves in today.  Obviously choices are what you do, but you also have choices in what you say, how you manage your emotions, and how you process the things that happen in your life.  I know that this is a learning experience, but I hope you will try to think about your choices and if they are leading you closer to the life you want for yourself or if the consequences are taking you away from what you had envisioned.  It's important to ask yourself - is what you're doing today getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow?  As always, if you are struggling with your choices and the connected consequences, please don't hesitate to stop and see me so that we can talk about it in more depth.

Strength = Connection

This week is national suicide prevention awareness week. You have been/ will be hearing announcements daily to remind you that YOU MATTER! You matter to your family and friends. You matter to your teachers and classmates. You matter in our school and community. It is so easy to get caught in the lie that you are just a number, but you are so much more than that!

One of the greatest strengths that I love about Kilbourne and Worthington as a whole is how all of you show up for one another in times of struggle. We have witnessed that over and over again in big and small ways. Maybe it is giving a smile to someone in the hall or holding the door open for someone or encouraging and listening to a friend who is having a bad day. It is so easy to forget how much you are making a difference in the world around you, but you are having that impact.

Tomorrow there will be a PACK period during which time your teachers will be showing a video about the importance of suicide prevention. The reminder that we hope you take away is that if you are ever worried about a friend (or yourself), remember that help is available. You can ask about how your friend is doing, you can an adult and we can check in on the friend, or both!

Aside from the PACK period which is a district-wide initiative, the WKHS Counselors will also be in the commons during all of the lunch periods tomorrow with goodies and give-aways connected to suicide prevention and the 988 crisis line.

If you or someone you care about is ever in emotional distress or having thoughts of suicide, help is only three numbers away: 988. This is the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline—available 24/7, free, and confidential. Since its launch in 2022, the Lifeline has supported more than 17.5 million people and answered more than 12 million calls. 

Our greatest strength is connection—reach out, lean in, and know you belong!

Life is all about choices

At the start of every school year I spend a lot of time talking with students about class selection and, for seniors, about college selections for where they will apply. There can be many hard choices involved with deciding what classes are most important to you when you also want to have lunch with friends or the opportunity to sleep in during 1st period. But I actually believe that wrestling with those decisions is great practice for the bigger choices that you'll have for the rest of your life.

Every time you say "yes" to something in your life, it also means you are saying "no" to something else. What do I mean by that? If I choose to say yes to scrolling through social media on my phone, then I am choosing to say no to going to bed earlier and getting more sleep. If I choose to say yes to sleeping in, then I am also choosing to say no to getting up and moving my body before school so that I am more focused throughout the day. If I choose to say yes to going out to eat for lunch every day, then I am choosing to say no to sticking to my budget of what I can afford.

I intentionally picked 3 examples that were saying yes to something I'd enjoy when the consequence is something I probably need more of and tend to neglect. But life choices aren't always that clear cut.

For example, I can say yes to going to college at College A, but that means I am saying no to all of the other colleges that I might like as well. I can say yes to taking a class that sounds interesting to explore for my future, but at the same time I might have to say no to continue in a class that I have been involved with for a long time and that can feel scary. Or perhaps it is being forced to say yes to one extracurricular activity over another even though you wish you'd have time for both.

There are so many different aspects that can come into play. Sometimes the choice is between what you want now and what you want in the future. Sometimes the choice is between 2 unknowns. Sometimes the choice is simply to trust yourself and step forward with faith in your ability to make decisions. You're getting lots of opportunities to practice making decisions now and that will only help you as you move forward into the future. So please focus on trying to make the best decisions you can now in the little decisions so that you will have confidence in your ability to make the bigger decisions as they arise. And remember, it can be hard to say no to something that you'd enjoy, but you are giving yourself other great opportunities with all of the Yes's that you choose.

Bad Days

Every day is not going to be a good day. That is hard and frustrating, but it is real. What you can't forget is that it is also manageable. When you have a rough day, week, month or even year, it can feel like everyone and everything is stacked against you. And that can feel overwhelming and scary. So I have a few reminders for you on those hard days.

1. You are not alone! There is ALWAYS someone willing to help and listen. If you can't find a listening ear in the friends or family members or adults around you, remember that you could always call or text the crisis line at 988.

2. Remember that the bad doesn't always last. Sadly, the good doesn't either. Life is never going to be all good or all bad, but staying open to the experience and curious about what is coming next is important. Think of it like a rollercoaster ride. You choose to get on the ride knowing that there are going to be thrilling up's and scary down's and unexpected twists and turns, but in the end, when you look back on it you enjoy the journey. Trying to approach life with that mindset can help.

3. Do more of what helps and less of what hurts. This can be a hard one to think about, but it is SO IMPORTANT! There are things that help you to feel better when you are having bad days. We don't always stop and do those things, but we can and we should. That might mean getting some extra sleep, listening to music, talking with friends, laughing, going for a walk, or eating a favorite meal. No matter what it is that tends to help you, when you're having those tough days, do more of those things. And, at the same time, avoid doing more of what hurts you. Don't scroll endlessly on social media or go down a rabbit hole focusing on those who have hurt you, don't numb out, don't watch, read or listen to upsetting stories for endless hours. By setting those limits, you better protect your heart and your mind.

Remember that I am here if you want to talk about life and how you're doing in this journey of all of the up's and down's.

Senior Mixed Emotions

For seniors this is such a time of mixed emotions for many different reasons.  The excitement about being in your final semester of high school battles the disbelief that high school has flown past.  The eagerness to be done with high school because you are ready to move on to whatever is next competes with the fears about what will come after high school.  The joy of college acceptances comes at the same time as the disappointment and sadness of deferrals and rejections.  None of it is easy!

Over the past few weeks as more and more early college admissions decisions have been arriving, I noticed that students will sometimes forget that others are around and start announcing where they were accepted and their feelings about different schools. 

When you have been accepted to a school, it is wonderful news and completely understandable that you want to shout it from the roof-tops, but it is also important to try to be sensitive to those around you and to remember that some of your friends and classmates are NOT being accepted into the very same colleges. 

While receiving a college rejection letter is hard, it is even more hurtful to hear someone else say something such as, "Oh, I was accepted to ___ (insert name of college) but I would never actually go there." Particularly if the school mentioned was the one where a student was recently rejected and had been their top choice college. 

So, go ahead and share your excitement, but please be sensitive to what you say about other schools and how you "rate" your own schools. No one school is perfect for every student and every student is not perfect for every school - it is important to find the right balance and I sincerely believe that every student will be able to find the college that is right for them.

Finding a way to balance the range of emotions you are experiencing as seniors is important. Sure, many of you are excited to graduate and be done with high school, but that also means the future, starting college, getting jobs, and being "adults" is just around the corner. I know that this is a time of high anxiety and remember, I am here to help support you! Please, do NOT sabotage yourself and your grades in your classes as a *solution* to not feeling ready to leave high school. Stop in and see me - let me know how you are feeling about high school coming to an end in just a few short months. I look forward to chatting with you soon!

Crisis Averted

I realize that a lot of students don't watch the news or only catch it in bits and pieces so I am not sure if you saw the story that came out this weekend about the planned school shooting in Indiana that was averted. The summary of the story is that a student planned to carry out a school shooting on Valentine's Day in Indiana at her high school. The threat was called into a school safety hotline and thankfully the crisis was averted because they were able to respond before the shooting happened.  But, this was only possible because someone spoke up and said something when they saw the warning signs.

It made me remember this video from Sandy Hook Promise. This video is a bit chilling... but it is short and I hope you will watch it before we continue the conversation.

What did you think?  I found it unsettling.  It is true though... we often see things up front and wonder if we should say something, if we should get involved, if we should trust our gut instinct, but then after the fact, it becomes easy to look back and think, "Oh yeah, I saw that" or "I knew this."  Unfortunately, as the video tried to explain, talking about it after the fact can be too late.  So, I think most of all, for me, this video served as a reminder that we ALL have a responsibility to try to help those around us who may be hurting, scared or contemplating violence and to help keep our school safe.  And it also makes me think about the fact that we all can make a difference!

So, here are the two most important reminders...

- If you hear someone making a threat or someone writing a threat, report it to an adult. (See something or hear something then SAY something!)

- Remember that any one warning sign may not mean that something is wrong, but if it doesn't feel right, then it is always better to reach out to an adult to try to make sure that they receive the support they need/ deserve.

What are warning signs of people at risk of hurting themselves or others?  These are just a few that people may observe:

• Fascination or obsession with firearms and/ or mass shootings
• Difficulty controlling anger or regulating emotions may appear as over-reactions or aggressive behavior for seemingly minor reasons
• Sudden change in academic performance, withdrawing from family or friends, and/or disinterest in areas that they used to enjoy
• Victims of bullying or feeling picked on or persecuted by others
• Isolation or social withdrawal
• Access to firearms
• Making threats of violence
• Feelings of hopelessness
• Previous suicide attempts, suicidal ideation, or self-harm
• Major changes in eating or sleeping habits
• Dramatic changes in physical appearance
• Giving away possessions
• Severe destruction of property
• Access/ use and prevalence of drugs and alcohol/ substance abuse

Again, because it bears repeating... if it doesn't seem right, say something!  80% of school shooters told someone of their violent plans prior to the event.  70% of people who complete suicide told someone of their plans or gave some type of warning or indication. I am SO thankful that someone spoke up in Indiana!

Everything is Training for Something

I have long believed that all of your experiences in life (good and bad) will contribute together to help you in the future.  A while ago I read the statement, "Everything is training for something."  It has a catchy phrase aspect to it that has stayed with me and resonates with my beliefs.

As a high school student, there are things that happen in your life that are preparing you for the future in so many ways.  Some of them are easier to see than others.  For example, when you are stuck in traffic you are learning patience.  When you are wrestling with a difficult math problem you are developing perseverance and logic.  When you are helping a friend through a difficult break-up, then perhaps you are also learning how it will feel when someone later breaks your heart.

I can look back now on my life and see how really big moments that I never wanted to have happen have helped to prepare me for a future I never imagined.  I will share one very obvious example with you... years ago, I would go every day after school to help care for my dying grandfather and feed him dinner and visit with him.  As he was getting closer to the time of his death, I communicated LOUDLY and FREQUENTLY to all of my family, the medical staff, and anyone who would listen that no matter what I did NOT want to be there when he died.  But, that wasn't how it worked out.  You may know that I now work part-time as a grief counselor with OhioHealth, but I can assure you that if I had never had my own experience of seeing death first-hand I wouldn't be as effective at what I do in that job.  When my grandfather died I had no idea where my life would take me in my future part-time job and there was NO part of me that was thinking, "well, at least this is training for something."  But the reality is, that is precisely what the experience ended up being in my life. 

And you have these moments all the time too.  As you are going through them, you will not always realize or imagine how they will help you in building the skills you will need in the future.  Whenever possible, if you can lean into the experiences you are going through and learn from them, you will be able to have the skills you have developed accessible to you or those around you in the future.

I am in the lucky position that I often get to see students pulling on strategies that have helped them in the past or working to build new skills that will undoubtedly help them in the future.  Stressed about a test, but you learn how to calm your body and remain focused - that will translate to stressful experiences in a job interview or key presentation you will have to give some day.  Feeling overwhelmed and wondering if this is even worth it, but then finding the courage to speak your truth and get help - that will translate into having the courage to be present with others who are struggling and to provide hope in a way that your life story becomes a lighthouse representating a beacon of hope for others that are struggling.  Your parents are fighting non-stop and you constantly feel as if you must walk on egg-shells to navigate things at home - this can lead you to developing a different approach to how you will parent your own children and what you want to make your home environment life for your own family some day.  Truly, the examples are endless.

Everything is training for something.  You are worthy of the training presented to you and you are capable of overcoming any obstacle which comes your way... especially if you realize that one aspect of the training is reaching out for help when needed.  I believe in you.  I can't wait to see what all of this training is preparing you for in the future and how you will change the world for yourself and for others.

Stressed

How are you holding up?  Are you feeling tired, stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, worried or frustrated?  This time of year often brings a range of stress-related feelings.  The holidays can be stressful.  Exams can be stressful.  High school life can be stressful.

Obviously, if you are struggling, I want to talk to you!  I want to problem-solve with you and help develop a plan for managing the feelings and experiences you are going through. 

Stress comes from a range of events and life circumstances. When positive things happen such as getting a new job, dating someone new, or graduating from high school, stress levels increase. And, obviously, stress levels are higher when negative things take place like failing a test, fighting with family or friends, or having a lot to do in a limited amount of time. Quite simply, the reality is that stress is a part of life and it cannot be escaped, but it is important to learn strategies for dealing with stress.

Holidays can also create stress because expectations tend to be higher during holidays. Families are often together and sometimes that can be difficult or it could mean that siblings who are off to college are home and the change in routine can cause challenges. Students whose parents are divorced are often juggling multiple holidays and trying to be in several places at once which is never easy. Whatever the circumstances are for your family, try to remember that even though the holiday will not be the picture of perfection that you might see portrayed on movies or TV shows, it can still be enjoyable - even if it is stressful.

Finding the stress relievers that are effective in your own life is important not only during the holidays, but throughout the year. Talking to friends, journaling, drawing, reading, listening to music, running, coloring, playing sports, spending time with your pets, taking a walk, dancing, exercising, watching a funny movie, or helping someone less fortunate are all examples of some simple stress relievers that might be ideas you can consider utilizing.

Remember, I am here for you and I want to talk with you... especially if you are feeling stressed!

Gratitude Journal

I hope that you and your family enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving break!  

For years, I have read the research about the benefits of writing down what you are thankful for.  And during COVID I decided it was time that I truly put that to the test and I began keeping a gratitude journal.  And so every day, I pause to reflect on what 3 thigns I had to be grateful for in that day.  I try to be really intentional about not just writing the same things over and over again because it would be easy to say: Family, Friends and Health on repeat... and it would absolutely be true.  But for me, it was the challenge to dive deeper and once I had acknowledged something I needed to be more specific or find something different to be able to identify.  It has been a game-changer for me.  Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days, but even on the worst days I have not had any problems identifying at least 3 things from the day which made me grateful.  And how lucky does that make me?!?  

As we leave Thanksgiving behind... a time when many of us all paused to think about what we were thankful for I'd like to issue a challenge to all of my students... every day, for the next month, please write down 3 (different) things that you are thankful for that day.  You don't need a fancy journal.  Just open up the notes section of your phone or grab a piece of notebook paper, write the date and I'm Thankful For... and then list out 3 things.  Repeat that process for the next month.  I will be excited to hear some of the things you come up with and how being intentional about identifying the things you are grateful for impact you.

In case you are wondering, here is what will make my list tonight when I fill out my journal.

12/1/24: I'm Thankful For...

- Having leftover Chocolate Caramel Brownies

- Being able to sleep in for the last 5 days

- That my sister's family made it home safely after visiting for the holiday

Please know that I am also thankful for each of YOU who read this blog!  And I hope that you will consider taking on my challenge to see how focusing on gratitude impacts you over the next month.

Teen Sleep

I cannot even begin to explain how often I hear students frustratingly proclaim, "I'm so tired!"  It is a statement that I hear over and over again each day.  Sleep is a tough issue to tackle because it is one of the best things we can do for ourselves and yet it is also something we frequently push aside.

The research about the importance of teen's getting sleep has frequently been touted and yet, as I talk to you, it is shocking for me to realize how little sleep so many of you are getting.  Lack of sleep is not only exhausting, but it decreases your immune system, makes it more difficult to regulate your emotions, and can mimic the signs of ADHD.  

I wish it was as easy as saying you need to go to bed earlier, but for many of you, your schedules are so packed with homework, studying, jobs, sports, clubs, and other activities that it is hard to make everything fit into the window of time that you have between the end of the school day and a "reasonable" bedtime.  Additionally, many students have talked about the fact that it is hard for them to go to sleep once they eventually go to bed because their mind races, they think of "one more thing" they need to do, or they lose track of time while texting or checking social media late into the night.  And, although it isn't easy, sleep is important and it is a choice to make it a priority because the reality is that so many of you genuinely are exhausted!

I am the first to admit that I NOT a morning person and, quite honestly, I don't think I ever have been.  When my sister and I were in high school my mom set 9:00pm as our bedtime.  Every now and then we would argue that we should be allowed to have a later bedtime like all of our other friends and she would agree and say, "No problem, as soon as you can wake up in the morning without me having to say anything to you to wake up, then you can stay up later."  (FYI, my mom is really smart!)  She knew there was no way in the world we could successfully wake up without extra help because we were tired and we needed the sleep.  We couldn't argue with her because she wasn't having us go to sleep earlier as a punishment - she was trying to help us get the amount of sleep that we needed.  Later, when I was in college and was getting WAY too little sleep, I would call my mom stressed and upset and she, with all her perfect motherly wisdom, would simply say, "Stop what you are doing and go to sleep."  She knew that I was too tired to think straight and that I wasn't doing a good job with studying or homework or whatever else I might have been working on at the time because I was exhausted.  While I am certainly not your mom and in no way am I saying that 9:00pm is the right bedtime for you, I do think that most of you could benefit from getting more sleep.  

So, here is my encouragement and challenge to each of you.  Consider what 1 small thing you could do in these next few weeks to try to increase the amount of sleep you get each night.  Even if you are just getting an additional 30 minutes to an hour of sleep per night, it can make a difference.  You need to decide what you think would work for you, but a few ideas you could consider would be to stay off your phone after a certain time, start your homework earlier so you aren't up so late working on assignments, or using your time throughout the day wisely so that you can make the choice to go to bed earlier.  If you want to discuss what you are doing to help yourself get more rest or to brainstorm other strategies, please stop by and see me!

Motivation

Lately, I seem to find myself having the same basic conversation with a wide range of students.  They are struggling because they "aren't motivated" to do whatever it is they are needing to do.  And that has been a different responsibility for each - getting out of bed to come to school, going to practice, doing their homework, showing up in class, studying, taking care of their chores at home, or working when they are scheduled at their job. 

But here is the thing... it ISN'T about motivation.  You won't always feel motivated.  Sometimes you will never feel motivated.  But it IS about discipline.  It is about doing the thing directly in front of you that needs to be done so that ultimately you can have the outcome you want in the long run.

The first time I really heard about this was during the times when I had met with students who were at boot camp working towards becoming Marines.  They were definitely NOT always motivated for the tasks in front of them, but they definitely wanted to achieve their long term goal of becoming US Marines.  So they talked a lot about focusing on the moments directly in front of you and doing what must be done.  They had a concept of waking up and making it from there to breakfast.  Once they made it to breakfast, they turned their focus on making it to lunch.  At lunchtime, they shifted their attention to making it to dinner.  And at dinner they aimed to make it to bedtime.  That process was repeated day in and day out.  It was the discipline to take care of each day one day at a time.  Granted, in the effort of becoming a Marine they had drill instructors helping to push them, but, let's be honest - you have people trying to help push you too.  They may be your parents, teachers, coaches, boss, friends, or even me, but ultimately it still comes down to you doing what you need to do - movitation or not.

So, perhaps it will help you too... quit searching for motivation and just start practicing the acts of discipline to do this one thing right now and then repeat with the next thing that is required and keep repeating that practice over and over until you achieve your goals.  If you only work on days when you feel good, you won't get a lot accomplished.  Please just take it one step at a time - you can and will get there!

And, since it is Veteran's Day and this was a concept I learned from some of the men and women serving in the military, I want to say a huge thank you to every individual who has had the courage to choose to serve our country in any of the branches of the military.  I am thankful for the freedoms we have today because of your service.

Failures

Probably because I have been having lots of conversations with students stressed about college applications or stressed about first quarter grades, but I have been hearing many students talking about themselves as "being failures."  And I need to make sure that if you are saying or thinking this about yourself, you hear me clearly say that this is NOT correct!  

A failure is an EVENT, not a PERSON!  Too often we get this concept messed up in our minds.  We tend to think that we are a failure when we fall short of a goal or a dream that we had set for ourselves.  But in reality we are not a failure when we don't achieve a goal.  We are just human.

Having the mindset that we will be able to move forward, try new things, learn and and grow without ever failing is setting us up for disappointment because that isn't how life works.  A realistic expectation that we can have for ourselves is that we will learn from the mistakes we make and work to identify new ways to approach challenges.  

So please, if you find yourself falling into the mental trap of believing that you are a failure, try to remind yourself that failures are events you are going through and NOT who you are as a person!

Because of You

On Friday at school we had the chance to honor and celebrate the impact of others on your life.  #BecauseOfYou was the point behind this video and it was also the message so many of you had the courage to share and recognize during the day today.

For all of the parents or anyone who, for whatever reason, didn't have the chance to watch the video during your 3rd period class today, I hope you will take a few minutes and watch this powerful PSA that was created by the Ad Council.

I have watched the video many times as we were preparing for today and the final message that, "Because of You someone's entire day can change, Because of You someone's entire year can change, and Because of You someone's entire life can change", continues to touch my heart.  And here is the reality... we don't always see that in ourselves.  We don't recognize the impact we are having on others.  But we are often keenly aware of how much others help us.  The reason we wanted to focus on that today is that it is important and valuable to realize the depth of an impact you are having on someone else - even though you might not realize it at the time.

I loved seeing the kids and staff that participated both with dry erase board signs and with individual notes of appreciation. But even if you didn't participate Friday during lunch, there is no time like the present... hop on social media and share the message #BecauseOfYou to recognize someone who has had a positive impact on your life.  Who knows, perhaps by doing so you will inspire someone else to recognize someone too.  And, if you don't feel comfortable posting your gratitude on social media, then remember, you can still send someone a text, email, or tell them face to face how much they have changed your life for the better.

This world has enough negativity.  Stress levels are high.  Frustration runs deep.  Disappointment and hurt seems never-ending at times.  But there is good.  There is so much good!  We need to focus on it today and every day.  Because by doing so, perhaps it will end up multiplying.  Someone will decide to be a little kinder because they know that it had made a positive difference to someone else in the past.  What a gift and blessing that would be for not only you, but for our school, our community, and our world.

Thank you again to all of the students who participated in the #BecauseOfYou day.  #BecauseOfYou Kilbourne is a better place!