Taking Care of YOU

I have had conversations over the last few days with students and parents about how to help make the most of this remote learning time and how to make the uneasiness of the pandemic times a little bit more manageable.  I have to be honest - I can tell you strategies about how you can make the most of your remote learning time and I can even give you suggestions to make things more manageable as a whole, but there is a huge difference between me saying it and someone actually doing it and putting it into action.

It is hard when there is lack of predictability and that is so prevalent in our world right now, but that doesn’t mean it is all helpless or pointless.  You have way more control than you even realize!  Part of how remote learning is set up is to help create that consistency and to give you a routine.  But even still, you can plan your own days and your own weeks to help overcome this lack of predictability.  Create a schedule for your day.  Again, some of that is already built out for you by the format of having zoom classes, but you need to take that even further.  If you start figuring out when you're going to take a shower, eat, get some exercise, talk to your friends, relax and play video games, and whatever else you hope to do in a day and map that out in a way that you can stick to with some consistency then it is building predictability into your days and that will help make your time more successful and decrease some of the anxiety.  Additionally, give yourself something to look forward to in the day and the week such as planning to do something with your friends or relaxing while reading that you can then look forward to along with the rest of your "need to do" list of activities.

We need to move – that is key to our own well being so even if it just a short walk or doing a few stretches, we have to do something to move our body to try to physically release some of this stress.  It's interesting because physiologically, when we are this stressed and overwhelmed by situations in the world that we can't fix or even worse that we have such little control over, we can end up feeling stuck and not engaging in even those areas (like taking care of ourselves physically) that we can control.  This can create a pattern of poor decision making and unhealthy behaviors such as getting angry and lashing out at people inappropriately or shutting down and not doing anything at all.  We need to use the energy that is in our body in more healthy and productive ways – to create, to do something, to regulate our emotions and to engage our body in anything that involves movement.  Look up and try a free yoga class online or take the dog for a walk on a nice day or stretch.  It's important to try to find ways to help your body get a grip on your own physiological reactions otherwise you are going to end up seeking unhealthy means to try to release the tension and stress and that will just create even more problems in the long run.  At the very least (and a great first place to start) is simply taking some slow, solid, good deep breaths and intentionally focusing on letting the tension go as you breathe out.

Whenever possible, try to remember that your struggles are NORMAL!  What you are feeling is a normal reaction to an abnormal time of life.  It can be hard to feel connected to your teachers and your peers when you are only over a computer screen or engaging from behind masks and losing that facial cues that guide us.  So many times I have talked to students who share that they feel like we are the only ones who might be struggling to understand a concept or to figure out the best ways to ask for help or keep track of assignments.  You are not alone.  

Also, remember, your connections with others don't fade just because you don’t see that person every day.  There is power of seeing and hearing other people’s voices and faces so call (yes, I know… kids don’t do that, but it is time to try some different things), FaceTime, Zoom, play video games together, etc.  Those are all options for maintaining connections with friends, but also don’t dismiss this as a valuable chance to reinforce and enhance the relationships you have with your family!  Have dinner together, play games together, make music together or listen to music together (you can laugh and tell stories related to various songs that each member of your family connects to), and so many more options available.  I point out the importance of embracing and refining your relationships with your friends and your family members even now as we shift to a "new normal" and school and sports and activities are taking back over your life.  This is a time when you can actively choose to spend your time in places that matter and mean the most to you.  It can feel like this is going to last forever and that there is no end, but nothing lasts forever and even though these moments can be hard, they can also be really good.

Feeling safe is important too.  Safety for yourself and safety for others.  Perhaps you are thinking, “of course I know I am safe.” And if so, that is great, but I’d like to ask you HOW you know you are feeling safe?  So many times we don’t even realize how we are feeling and we just react to people and circumstances happening around us.  So try to pause and pay attention to what is going on inside of you so that you can make choices about what actions will be best for you based on how you feel.  You have probably heard me say it before, but you need to name it to tame it.  Name what it is that is happening within you and then you can actively make choices for how you can manage that feeling.  So if I am feeling a lot of tension in my shoulders or my stomach is in knots, I might realize that I am feeling stressed or anxious.  That would then tell me I need to do something such as exercising or talking to someone about how I feel.  Remember too that it is so important to be kind to yourself.  Sometimes we tend to beat ourselves up over how we feel and that isn’t fair or helpful.  So be compassionate to yourself.  If you wouldn’t say it to your friends then don’t say it to yourself.  In other words, instead of saying “I am so stupid that this is bothering me because this is happening to everyone else too.” Try saying, “I know that I am not alone in feeling this, but this is hard for me today.”  You are essentially saying the same concept to yourself but one is with unfair judgment and one is not.  And if your best friend came to you and said what it is that you are feeling, I am confident that you’re not going to reply back with “You’re so stupid that it is bothering you because it is happening to everyone else too.”  You wouldn’t be best friends for long if that is what you were saying.  So shift what you say to yourself as well.

I have been struggling with missing the typical quantity of meaningful interactions I normally have with students on a daily basis.  Most of the conversations I have had have been engaged on some version or form of these themes and so I am hoping that you will remember that if you are struggling with any of this or you just want to talk about something that has been weighing on you or if you are in need of support of just want to chat - I am here for you!  We can zoom, we can email, we can talk on the phone.  I miss you and am here because I care about you and want to support you!