The Stories We Tell Ourselves

We all have our own internal way of processing our lives.  The way we interpret what is happening may have more to do with our own perspective than it does with what is actually happening.  I recognize that this can be hard to grasp, so bear with me for a moment while I try to explain what I mean by giving you a few examples…

     When you ask a question in class about why a question you lost points on was marked wrong and the teacher is short in their response back.  We tend to think “they don’t like me.”

     When the people who sit near you in class are whispering and laughing while looking in your direction.  We tend to think “they are talking about me.”

     When the person you like smiles at you in the hall.  We tend to think “they like me too.”

And, the reality is, all of those thoughts are legitimate possibilities.  But there are other possibilities as well.  It can be hard to remember those other options as being viable alternatives so I would like to share with you one of the best strategies that I have for managing this challenge.

“The story I’m telling myself…” Using this phrase can be a game-changer to prevent you from jumping to conclusions because it also opens you up to recognizing that there may be other possible stories.  

So, if we look at the examples again…

     The teacher might not like you, but it could be that the teacher is not feeling well, that he/ she is not having a good day, that the teacher had just answered the question when you weren’t paying attention, or something else.

     The people sitting near you may be talking about you, but they may be talking about someone behind you, they may be talking about something they saw online or heard in the hallway, or they could be completely unaware that they are even looking in your direction.

     And the person who likes you hopefully does notice and like you back, but it is also possible they are just being polite, they were smiling at someone else, or they were smiling about something they had just remembered, heard or saw on their phone.

And so, here is the reality, you don’t know.  You don’t know what was happening from the other person’s perspective – you only know what you interpret it as and it is very possible that your interpretation is wrong.  So, the next time you are ready to jump to a conclusion about something, try to remember that this is the story you are telling yourself and that there are other possible stories.

I know that sometimes it can be hard to see this when it is in your own life, but when you see it happening in someone else’s life or even on TV shows or movies it can often be easier to recognize.  It is hard to pick something that everyone has seen, but I suspect most of you have probably seen the movie Hitch starring Will Smith.  In the movie, people jump to conclusions about Hitch’s intentions based upon the stories they are telling themselves.  But the reality was that there were other possible stories and one of the other stories is what was actually happening.  So, if you are having trouble to recognize the stories you tell yourself in your own life and opening yourself up to the other possible stories, then at least start looking for it in other settings.  

It is a great skill to learn and can make a positive difference in your life.

Also, a quick reminder that tomorrow night is the Planning for College Night for junior students and parents at 7pm in the Auditorium.  I look forward to seeing you tomorrow night.