What do I say to that?

Since returning from Thanksgiving break, I have talked with several students and heard about the random questions from extended family members or friends which were brought up over the holiday.  Many more of you will likely come into contact with people who could ask lots of questions over winter break.

The types of questions I am referring to include:

- What colleges are you applying to?

- Where are you going to go to college?

- What are you going to study?

- What do you want to do when you grow up?

So what can you say to these questions? Well, the truth is a great place to start. But, I acknowledge that for some of you these questions create a great deal of anxiety because you aren't sure about what those answers might be yet.

The good news is that "yet" is a key part of the answer. There are lots of ways that you can respond if you are not sure or are not comfortable in sharing your answer. You can say, "I am not sure yet." Or "I am still trying to decide." But be aware that sometimes those answers can feel like permission to well-meaning relatives or friends who suggest that you do whatever they want at whichever colleges they feel would be a good fit and I know that sometimes that can become overwhelming or uncomfortable.

Most of all, I want to remind you that you do not owe answers to anyone, but the people who are asking you these questions care about you and want the best for you. So when it feels comfortable, please listen to their ideas and input and if it feels awkward or unhelpful, feel free to say, things such as "I am still trying to decide, but I am enjoying taking a few weeks off from the stress of thinking about all of this so let's change the topic for tonight." (And you might want to have a great other topic in mind as well.)

Recently Forbes ran 2 articles that dealt with the same concept...

The first is aimed at the adults who might be interacting with teens over the holidays to remind them that well-intentioned questions although aimed at trying to get to know the teens better and hear about their plans can feel like pressure. This article is College Admissions Leaders Share Tips for Talking to Teens at the Holidays.

The second article is aimed at the teens who might be dealing with the family member questions. It gives lots of examples of other ways you can pivot the conversation to learn more about the adult's perspective and experience rather than feeling on the spot to answer about your own thoughts. This article is The College Applicant's Guide to Holiday Season Serenity.

Good luck in figuring out what you want to say to those who ask you about the future. Feel free to come and see me if you want to brainstorm more for your specific situation!