Rejected

It feels like every day I receive another email from a college sharing updates on how competitive their classes are this year.  Statements like, "we had 6% more students apply than in the past for the same number of slots" or "we had a dramatic increase in applicants" are feeling common with each email I open.  I don't have any magical answers for why one student gets accepted and another seemingly comparable student does not.  And it makes me sad to think that there are students who are receiving notifications that you have not been accepted who would, unquestionably, be highly successful at each of these colleges.  But, sadly, that is part of the college admissions "game."  

And, yes, I know that when it is your dream college, none of it feels like a game, but I really want for you to try to think of it more in that regard because even the college may know that you would have been a great candidate with a lot to offer to their college, but it is all a part of the process.  I can tell you that I did not have a single student apply to competitive colleges where I could not see you being successful.  And I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if you were to be accepted and attend that college that you would have been successful there!  BUT, I also believe that no matter where you attend college that you WILL be a success!  It is NOT the college that would make you successful, but rather it is your work ethic, your drive, your intelligence, your commitment, and the contributions you will make on whatever campus is lucky enough to have you joining their college which will make all the difference.

Try to remind yourself that not everyone will be accepted and that it is not a reflection of your potential for lifelong success.  If you are dealing with the frustration and disappointment of not being accepted, remember that it is ok to be sad just please be sure to reach out and talk about how you are feeling with your family members and/ or with me!  I don't want anyone to ever believe that this one college decision is a reflection of your value because there are plenty of other great schools that will be thrilled to have you as a member of their incoming class.  Eventually, after you have had the time to process through your disappointment, you will then be able to refocus on making the most of the opportunities available to you.  Believe in yourself and know that the college where you ultimately attend will be lucky to have you as a member of their class of 2025!

I have been trying to grab some quotes and reflections that I thought might be able to help those of you who are dealing with rejections... 

Let's start off with an important reframing:

"I was rejected!" Always remember this: if you are not admitted to a college or university, the school is denying your application for admission, not rejecting you as a person. Never forget that.  

Here are two great blog posts from college admissions offices about being denied

What does being denied mean

It’s going to be okay

 

Here are two excerpts I had pulled out of articles that I thought were good reality check reminders:

“A college admission decision does not define you—it is not a judgement of your character, abilities, or a predictor of future success.

Let’s add on to that: a college in and of itself will not define you either. So, if you feel stuck, fixated on daydreaming about how great life will be at this one college if you could just get admitted… rethink that perspective. Don’t give any one school that kind of weight—put that power back in yourself. You’ll explore new opportunities, invest in your own personal development, challenge yourself, and create new relationships in the coming years. That’s not dependent on one college—that’s all you.

The truth is, you will be great no matter where you go, as long as you take that excitement with you, and really show up wherever you end up this fall.

My hope is that you can take the pressure off of any given admission decision in the coming months, and can get excited for the bigger picture. Trust us, it works out.”

 

“All of the Ivies, MIT, Stanford—we only serve about 1% of the nation” in terms of college enrollment, said Stanford’s Shaw. “The other 99% are served extraordinarily well by a huge and broad and beautiful array of opportunities."

So please, try to remember, that not getting accepted to a college is a disappointment, but there are AMAZING opportunities ahead for you and the college where you attend will be the fortunate one to have you contributing positively on their campuses in the fall.