Are you really listening?

When going through the day, how much are you paying attention to all of the different messages you receive?  My guess is not very much and that is normal.  We hear lots of messages from our family members, friends, teachers, bosses, or even random strangers.  But just because we hear it doesn't mean we register it completely.

Bear with me - an example might help...

You woke up and went downstairs, grabbed a granola bar and some juice before heading to the bus for school.  Your mom wished you good luck on your test and said she knew you were going to do great.  At the bus stop you talk with your friend about the other student who has a crush on you that you have been talking to and you can't stop smiling.  As you get to school, one of your friends greets you in the commons and thanks you for helping them with their homework last night.  And as you head into your class, someone remarks rudely that your outfit doesn't match - and all of a sudden your day is on a tail-spin downward.

If you are like most people, you are suddenly completely focused on the negative comment.  Perhaps it wasn't a negative remark about what you were wearing, but a teacher saying that your essay topic wasn't good or a peer bragging that they had done so much better on a test than you knew you had done, or a parent yelling in frustration over the fact that you still haven't washed the dishes in spite of being asked to take care of it three times... whatever the negative circumstance is, we often focus all of our thoughts, energy, and emotions there.  We forget all of the good that has been happening throughout the rest of the day... in large part because we aren't really listening.

We tend to take in the positives and let it go, but we focus intently on the negatives.  Perhaps this is in part to protect ourselves from being hurt again in the future so we want to learn from that experience, but often it is that we simply don't give ourselves the credit that those positive statements or experiences are conveying.  We aren't fully attending to and taking in each of the encouraging, uplifting, and helpful comments and yet we give our undivided attention to the negatives. 

Maybe I am wrong... perhaps that isn't what you do, but I would challenge you to just pause and pay attention.  I am not saying you have to ignore all of the negatives - in fact sometimes that isn't safe or healthy.  But I do want to challenge you to pay attention to the positives as well.  Truly focus on it when something good happens.  Stop and think about that good thing - your mom believing in you for your test, the new person who you are talking to that makes you smile so much, the appreciation from the friend that you were able to help with their homework, how you have an understanding of the class content that allowed you to be able to help someone else - and really reflect on it - in the same way that you would sit and ruminate on the negative statement that is made which upsets you.  By doing that you will be listening to the whole big picture of life that is happening around you and hopefully you will realize that you are more than the mistakes you have made... so much more!

I acknowledge this isn't always easy.  There are so many times when I too will have someone say something positive and 1 negative statement can sit with me far longer, but when you are at least able to recognize it when it is happening, you can reframe it for yourself that yes, I am not perfect, but at least I was able to do good in all of these other ways.  I hope that is something that will help you too!