And Then What?!?

When something goes wrong, what is your typical thought process?  Do you immediately jump to conclusions?  For some people, this happens so quickly and instinctively that it is challenging to even recognize it has happened.

Let me give you an example.  I was talking with one of my students who was convinced she had done poorly on a test.  She came in upset that she had failed her test and when we then started talking about it, she expressed that she was sure this would mean she was going to fail the quarter, and the semester of the class, not be able to graduate, not have a promising future, and be dead.

I recognize that as you read that, you will probably think, "oh she was just exaggerating," but I promise you, that is how many of us think and that jumping to conclusions happens for more often than people realize.

There are so many examples of this that happen in your own life.  Maybe it isn't regarding failing a test for you.  Perhaps it is from a recent break-up.  Instead of just thinking that it is a common experience we all go through in life, people will think, they didn't like me, no one will ever like me, I'm going to be alone forever.  Or maybe it's when you get rejected from college.  Rather than just thinking that this is a disappointment, people will jump from I can't go to that collete to I won't get accepted at any college, I'm going to have a miserable life.

But here is the thing, pausing and reflecting on, "And then what" thoughts can be powerful and empowering or it can completely spiral and the difference comes down to how intentional you are with asking the question.

For the student who was worried about failing a test that I mentioned earlier, she had a good grade in the class already which meant that she was not actually in jeopardy of failing for the quarter or the semester.  But it felt that way to her.  And that fear of not being able to have a promising future and life is clearly a trigger point in her life which is why she jumps to that worst case scenario so quickly.  If, instead of spiraling, she paused and was realistic in her analysis of the impact of one bad test grade, she would have realized that she might need to study harder on a future test, but even still, she was not going to fail the class for the quarter or the semester and so she needed to be kinder to herself.

If you break up with someone, it does NOT mean that you will be alone forever - it means you are humnan.  And (hopefully) you have learned something about what it means to be in a relationship and what you are looking for in a significant other, how you want to be treated and how you need to treat others.  If you get rejected from one college it does NOT mean there isn't another college out there for you nor does it even mean that you won't be successful at that college at some point in the future as a transfer student.

So, what am I hoping you will do?  Slow down.  Really stop to try to think through the thought spirals that you are going on.  Reality check the sequence of events that you are anticipating.  (Is that really the only possible route of options that will happen as a result of the circumstance you find yourself in at this point?)  And, please know that reality checking is sometimes easier to do if you talk it out with someone so if you ever want to reality check your thought cycles with me, I would be more than happy to do that for you!

The other point to keep in mind is that "And then what" can be a helpful thought process if you have a decision to make and need to decide what choice is the best option for you. 

I hope that will be a helpful thought process sequence for you now and in the future.